[Text]

[serpentinthegarden]

Hey people. All this nonsense talk of dreams aside...

I'm looking to hire some one for a few hours, light work, nothing illegal, at least its only vaguely illegal. You're end of the deal would be on the up and up. Must be a good shopper and willing to look the other way.

[ All this typed up on one with one hand while he wrestled a small girl he had tucked up under the other arm down the sidewalk and right past the world's least observant cop. She was tiny and wearing only a potato ack that had been fashioned into some sort of dress, a street kid who even while she was being carried away very few paid attention to. ]

Oh, also female. Very important that you have to be female. It will never work if you aren't. I've tried.

If you are interested send a prompt reply otherwise I'll have to think up something else.

Comments

[serpentinthegarden]

You wouldn't ask that if you had ever asked about the size of a dress as a man. Those ladies that don't stop their shopping to shoot you a dirty look start reaching for their umbrellas to bash you over the head with them!

It would just be easier to have a women do the shopping.

[desperate_times_right]

I don't know if a dress they pick for me would fit you.

[serpentinthegarden]

That's fine. I'm not looking to have some one pick me up a dress, though it would make shopping in the lady's easier, I need some one to pick up a dress for a pint-sized version of you. Think kid, maybe six.

[desperate_times_right]

I see. Everyday wear or are you bringing your niece to an event?

[serpentinthegarden]

Oh this isn't my niece. She's just some dirty orphan kid I picked up off the street.

But she would need something to wear every day. What do little girls like these days, cotton dresses and Mary Janes?

[desperate_times_right]

[Should she be insulted that this is what he thinks of as a tiny version of her?]

Cotton is probably best for an everyday dress, but you might want to go for a closed shoe if she's living outside.

[serpentinthegarden]

[ Maybe a backhanded compliment? The kid was spunky! He had almost lost hold of her three times already and they had barely gone a block. ]

She's not going to be living outside anymore. That would defeat the purpose of snatching her in the first place.

[desperate_times_right]

[Of course everyone's cross with him for shopping for women’s clothing and not for kidnapping a child.]

Okay, where's she going, then?

[serpentinthegarden]

[ Clearly a guy shopping for lady's clothing is the greater threat! ]

I'm still working on a few details.

[desperate_times_right]

[Oh. Great. Wonderful.]

Ah. Think she’ll be working? If she's near machinery you don't want anything that might get caught.

[serpentinthegarden]

She's six.

[ That would be a no. He had no plan but shuffling her off to some nasty old factory hadn't even occurred to him. ]

I'll try to find some rich childless family to pawn her off on. Can't be too hard. Maybe I can say she is an heiress.

[desperate_times_right]

[They must both know that doesn't mean anything. She’d worked alongside kids that young, once. It's no life, but it's better than trying to survive on the street.]

Oh, all right. Think big. Get your patsy to buy her something a little fancier then, with embroidery or something. There's this nosy old couple who live up by me who could use a distraction.

[serpentinthegarden]

[ But for the grace of... someone... goes Crowley. If he hadn't made his escape to the streets then he could have looked forward to life inside a shoe factory. ]

This a rich nosy old couple?

That could work... older married couple. She might end up getting spoiled like they were her grandparents.

[desperate_times_right]

Is there another kind?

[They can certainly afford to sit at home all day gossiping about who visits her house.]

[serpentinthegarden]

I would have to look into them. Make sure they aren't into anything weird.

[desperate_times_right]

Into wanting me to get married. Ugh. You’d be doing me a huge favour.

[serpentinthegarden]

They could worry about getting this hellion married instead! Once she's old enough.

I like it.

[desperate_times_right]

I can drop you my address if you want to come by and take a look at them.

[serpentinthegarden]

Yeah. Once I get this brat cleaned up we will drop by, do a bit of a test run, see how things go. What's your address?

[desperate_times_right]

[It takes a second, but she manages to send him a map location.]

Ignore the fancy street name, it's just the new end of 35th. A bit north of the theatre district.

[serpentinthegarden]

I dig it.

[ Which was slang for 'I know the area' in this case. ]

Thanks for the intel. I might have been days at finding a new place for her.

[ Weeks or months were much more likely! ]

[desperate_times_right]

Oh, no problem. If she can get these guys out of my hair it's win-win.

[serpentinthegarden]

Why are they so obsessed over who you marry anyway?

[desperate_times_right]

Concerned for the state of my soul, I think. Too many friends over.

[serpentinthegarden]

They would love me. I can't even go near a Church.

If this doesn't work you could take to dressing like a nun. You wouldn't have to worry about any more marriage suggestions.